“walked through the icy desert as a blizzard struck” … if you want to use the words “icy desert” you can, but the technical term is a tundra

“which wasn't good enough to keep him warm from the cold … He felt very exhausted and needed to find shelter before the cold would kill him” …. Telling, but easily Shown: “Alexander walked through an icy tundra as the winds howled around him. He was wearing a thin jacket and shivering, hunched over, his arms crossed in front of him. Ice was forming on the sleeves of his jacket. His feet trudged through the ice and snow, moving slower with each aching step.”

“Stop running from me … I told you not to run from me” … the first is scary and what I expect from Seiton, but the second is kind of lame, “Oh, why are you running? Come on, I told you not to!”

“But [Alexander climbed, hoping that shining] glow was an [exit.] The closer he was to the [light, the more he felt he would escape from] the demon. Then he saw a row of stairs that [led] to the strange light”

“appeared from the light [and] stepped toward Alexander”

“She wore a [thin, golden] dress” or “She wore a [golden] dress” … comma between the two descriptives, or I removed “thin” because it is weird to think of his mom in a thin dress

“His mother [had given] him a sword to fight off the demon” or “His mother left [behind] a sword to fight off the demon”

“Alexander picked up the sword and his arm magically became armored” … neat, and I suppose more of his body will get armor from his training?

“morphed into Seiton's true Titan form” … does Alex know what a Titan is? Was Seiton a Titan? I thought he was a reptile guy and the Titans were goat guys

“As soon as he [showed] his true form”

“creating an arena for this epic battle” … unnecessary Telling

“He woke up [as a] roar of thunder [came from outside]” or “He [was woken] up by the roar of thunder”

“gave him a weapon to [fight.] At first the dream”

“ripped his skin open and [he] wasn't able to fight back” or “ripped his skin open and [being unable] to fight back”

“as the name Seiton and Alexander's mother got her attention” … unnecessary Telling

“When I got to the [light, it] turned out” or “[I] got to the light and it turned out”

“If I want to live, [I've] got to know how to defend myself” … and why is the first part phrased as an If, Then statement? Has he ever not wanted to live? Maybe just, “I want to know how to defend myself”

“He could learn many fighting techniques in a very short time. She knew many fighting styles and methods that she could teach him. Ever since she resigned, she still practiced her moves and she had not forgotten every move. Since he was close to be fully matured, she felt that he must know how to fight” … unnecessary Telling, she even says some of that next, we know Alex can learn things very fast (only from books though, we haven't seen him learn moves, but that can be Shown when she starts teaching him) and you Showed Alice keeping up on her training previously

“served in the [military. And I still practice] these moves”

“Kung Fu” … isn't this a made up word from Hollywood?

“So they went to an open yard which seemed [an] appropriate place for teaching anyone to fight” … have they always had this dojo space in the backyard, or did they go somewhere like some local training hall? … Also, instead of Telling me it is appropriate, Show how it is

“I want you to get [into] a riding [stance]” … and do a Control-F for “stanch” those should all be stance … though I didn't know stanch was another word for staunch, you learn something new every day

“Normally, most beginners fall or [don't] have a good [stance]. But he did it perfectly. Alice was very pleased with this” … neat, but why are you Telling me all this? Maybe instead Alice could say, “Very good, Alex. Most beginners fall, or don't have a good stance. Now, when you make a fist”

“When you make a fist, keep your thumbs at the side of your [hands. If] you were going to punch someone with [your thumb] at the front of your [hand, they would] be broken off” … good point, but shouldn't hitting with a straight wrist and the knuckles be more important and keep the thumb out of the way? I don't even know how to get my thumb in front of my fingers where they would be in danger of braking off

“{new paragraph} [Alice] picked up a stop sign and [stuck] it into the ground”

“Then they did [heel] kicks to the legs” … and there's a few more “heal” uses

“He was very close to becoming a professional fighter” … no, no he is not. He can learn things quickly, and he has some of the conditioning, but he doesn't have the experience of a professional fighter. Maybe, “His attacks were starting to look like that of a professional fighter” but that would be Telling

“Then you swing it to left, bend your knee on the leg you are not using so you can lift your kicking leg high enough so it literally goes above your head” … what? Rewrite for clarity

“Now I want to do some stretches to stretch out your muscles so they will recover” … perfectly fine for someone to say, but reads awkwardly. Maybe, “Now I want [you] to stretch out your muscles so they will recover”

“After that he felt more energetic than before” … ha, Alex leveled up!

“Later one evening, he practiced the moves” … later that evening, or another day? Either way, I feel like a scene break would be good here since some time has passed

“protect us from Professor Oldman” … should this scene exist now?

“Alexander must learn everything about fighting so he would be really ready to fight off the demon. As he becomes mature and mastered fighting, he would be ready for anything” … unnecessary Telling

“She showed him the basic block he [should use] if someone were to kick him. Then she twisted her block into a grab and [crouched down.] He went to kick her, [but] she grabbed [the kick and forced] him down into the ground”

“perfect fighting [stances and performed] his punches”

“She watched him as if she was in a martial arts movie like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon” … okay, but what does that look like? Think about a martial arts instructor from those movies and describe what they look like

“what he learned, she [applauded. Alex bowed.]” … and the rest of that last sentence is Telling

“Alexander felt very proud of himself that he was born as a warrior. Being called a warrior was the best thing that ever happened to him so far. He wanted to use his fighting skills to protect the ones he cared about the most, Alpha, Alice, Vila, David, Dr. Veelet, everyone. He would never use it to be offensive or abusive; he would be everyone's protector” … this makes me cringe

“Days [passed as he] learned and practiced his fighting moves”

“He followed [every] move she made”

“had a staff [sparring] match between”

“As they [sparred,] she was amazed” … and uh, shouldn't her experience make this fight more even? She can't get a hit on him, he's blocking everything

“got into their [fencing] suits and she showed him how to use a [fencing foil.]” … and uh, Alice just has some fencing suits for some reason? With a score board?

“he was also made into a swordsman” … eh, with one kind of sword that only gets used in movies and sports. What about a real sword? Martial artists use real swords too

“running through the jungle all the way to the beach and back” … okay, but I don't know how far that is. The beach might be a block away

“Today on this training, we are going to [meditate]” … and do a Control-F for “mediate” and fix them … and finally, something Alex won't beat her at after a minute of learning

“As the music stopped playing, Alice opened her [eyes] and said to him”

“He felt as though [only a little time had gone by] since they [started, but really they had spent] a couple hours [meditating.]” … should Alex be able to master meditation like he can master other stuff? Two or more hours is pretty astounding for his first time

“started to trout his way to the top” … trot?

“I was a coward, now I am a warrior” … a coward? I wouldn't think so. Maybe, “I was untrained, but now I am a warrior”

“He had a dream that he defeated the evil Seiton who haunted him in his dreams. Alexander had won his battle against him” … unnecessary Telling

Okay, so the starting dream is interesting and the last dream is interesting, those work very well to show his progression throughout the summer and character progression is good. I can't wait for those bullies to mess with him now. But everything between is basically, “Alex learns everything in one minute and is better even than Alice.” Frankly, the middle is boring. There's no surprise, no intensity. You have a few jokes and such (such as quoting the “carry a big stick” line) and those help, but I just wanted it to end. I don't know what to say. You could replace the middle with, “Alex spent the summer learning everything Alice could teach him” but then the chapter would be too short.

Instead, I would find some way to make the middle interesting. Think about how other stories do “training season” story arcs. They either do a montage to get them over quickly, or have something interesting happen. Maybe between montage training sessions, something else is happening. Or Alex could have an unexpected difficulty with the training at some point, maybe he can learn things easily but Alice can always beat him because he lacks spontaneity. Check out the Marvel character Taskmaster, who does the same thing as Alex; villains can get away with “instant training” because they are a villain, there to challenge the heroes. And he has crazy weaknesses because of his power.

Any questions for me?