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Hybrid, Chapter 20: Depressed

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Chapter 28:
Depressed

July 24, 2347

    On board Prosper, a Thresher vessel orbited around Onyx; a moon orbiting around the Nile Gas Giant in the Lincoln system. The spiky sphere shaped probes flew out of ship. They hovered around like busy bees, scanning Onxy's surface. After their quick dance, they hurried back into the ship.

    On the bridge, Ursula turned around as Seeker waled up to her. The scanning probes followed him. She ordered, "Report."

    Seeker said, "Found a Human military base abandoned as we invaded the Vega System. They don't seem to have left any data behind.”

    She rolled her eyes. "You have been getting that same result on each planet! There has to be something down there that would be useful to find out where the hell is Alexander!"

    "Well they have done a very good job leaving nothing behind," said Seeker.

    "I want a search party down onto the surface and try to reactivate the colony's computer network and find that damn boy!" Ursula ordered. She believed that the Humans may had left behind some data in these abandon colonies, which would help them find out where Alexander could be.

    "Command confirmed," her Threshers responded.

    Ten Threshers drop ships to the volcanic basalt surface. As the drop ships flew across the horizon, twenty viperspeed bikes hovered out. Seeker transferred data to Ursula. "The base is located at Latitude 47 degrees, Longitude 18 degrees."

    "Excellent!" Ursula felt pleased. "Threshers, if any Humans are alive in that post, butcher them!"

    "Command confirmed," her Threshers responded.

    When they got to their location, they fired a laser through the crust at the exact latitude and longitude to get to the buried command post. It took about a few seconds for the laser to blast through. As soon as the hole in the ground was made, a squad of Threshers including Seeker jumped down into the hole.

    Descending down, their cloaks spread out like grim reapers carrying pistols and sniper rifles. They reached the door of the base and blast it open. The inside of the base was pitch black, so they activated their night vision. Debris was all over the floors, the objects were covered in thick dust, and the rooms empty.  They walked along the corridors checking each sleeping quarter to find any gadgets, phones, and computers. So far, they found nothing and continued on to the control room.

    In the control room, Seeker looked around to find a supercomputer adapter. Despite having no power in the command post, Seeker inserted his finger into an outlet and released a jolt into the power line. Then the power was back on and they deactivated their night vision. Seeker got into the adapter and searched in the Human's data base. Billions of files popped up all over the holographic screen and he selected the collection of files of each Human. He looked at each file for about one sixteenth of a second and found a few files with the name Alexander with various last names. Then he went into the Humans' medical files and scanned those and found a special file made by Doctor Veelet.

    "An Aquatic Doctor?" Seeker laughed. "You got to be kidding me!"

    "Don't stop, scan it!!" Ursula shouted.

    Seeker went into Doctor Veelet's file and discovered that it was about a boy with unknown origin. He scanned each page and the file showed all of the medical information about this boy. The data was saying that the boy had blue eyes, pure white hair, blue blood, and an appearance of a Human. His purple muscles had four times the strength of Human muscles. His heart was ocean blue, the size was five inches wide and six inches long, and it had twelve small chambers with purple and blue blood vessels. And his records also said that he had a incredibly high brain activity. This boy was Alexander McAuliffe.

    "That's the boy!" Ursula was pleased. "Find out who he is living with!"

    Seeker scanned the medical file and said, "He is living with Alice McAuliffe, a former lieutenant of the Spark Recon Squad of the World Republic. And they are living on a planet called Purelif in the Virgil System."

    "Where exactly on Purelif is Alexander living on?" Ursula asked feeling impatient.

    "Just outward of the Out Town Warner, which is located north of 023 Newbury," said Seeker as he uploaded the information into Ursula's memory chip.

    Ursula had found her treasure. She now had all of the information of Alexander as well as where he was. She believed Seiton would make her his champion.

    "Soon, Seiton will rule the galaxy and beyond!" She smiled. "Alexander will never stand in his way! Return to the ship and head back to Hadean," said Ursula. "Seiton will be very pleased."

    "Command confirmed," her Threshers responded.

    Seeker released a computer virus to leave no evidence that they were there.

**********

    In Seiton's den, Ursula stepped onto the platform, Seiton's holographic image appeared. He asked his general, "What do you have for me Ursula?"

    "My lord, I have Alexander's location!" Ursula smiled.

    Seiton's eyes went wide and he smiled gleefully. He hadn't smiled since he killed the Spacers.

    "Show them to me now!" Seiton urged Ursula.

    Ursula ordered Seeker forward and he uploaded the information into the main network. Seiton looked at the medical files of Alexander and stared at the image of him. He glared at Alexander's picture as if he was actually here. He clutched his fist.

    "I want to stab him through his damn Spacer heart and spill his blood over the Spacers' Children!" Seiton snarled through his sharp teeth.

    He looked at the address and the location in the galaxy where Alexander was. He had a holographic map of the Milky Way Galaxy out and compared the distance between Purlif and Hadean. Hadean was located at the Scutum Arm about fifty thousand light years from the Galactic Core. Purelif was one hundred and thirty light years for the Galactic Core and it was at the Perseus Arm. This planet was nearly on the edge of the galaxy.

    "Purlif is far away from Hadean," Seiton grumbled.

    "We'll start traveling to Purlif right away," said Ursula.

    "Wait, there is another way," said Seiton. "According to the Spacers' data, there was a Spacer colony with a gate I destroyed. If that gate gets fixed by the colonists, we can go through it and kill Alexander!"

    "Yay!" the Threshers cheered for their demonic lord.

    Seiton smiled. "When this happens, I need one of you generals to find and slay that boy. I choose Midas!"

    A Thresher emerged out of the crowd. He stepped onto the platform and faced the audience. Midas appeared as an ordinary Thresher, but his forearms were machine guns with big claws. As his hands got close to each other, an electrical discharge sparked between them.

    "My Threshers, Midas is not like any other," said Seiton. "His arms have powerful static electrical charges. This is used when Midas touches an object or building and it causes them to dematerialize or rip apart and produce a powerful explosive. Fortunately. his armor is resistant to those reactions. He'll demonstrate for us."

    A swarm of Spacer medical probes entered his den and targeted Midas. They got all of the medical tools and lasers out to try to destroy him. But Midas held his ground and smiled. They surrounded him and attacked him with lasers and medical tools. But his shield was resistant and they did no damage to his armor. A couple more probes charged and he slapped them with his hands. As he slapped them, static electrical charges from his hands caused the medical probes to break apart and explode. Three more medical probes charged at him from behind and his upper body automatically turned and scratched each of them and returned to his normal position. As the medical probes were scratched, they too broke apart and exploded. No matter how many medical probes came after him, he destroyed them without being harmed. After Midas destroyed the last medical probe, he bowed to his audience as they applauded.

    "As you can see," said Seiton. "Not one weapon can destroy him. Anything he touches will be destroyed. That is why I choose him to be the one to kill Alexander. I'll fulfill my destiny sooner once Alexander dies!"

    The Threshers cheered for Midas as he stepped down from the platform. Then they all shouted, "All hail Seiton!" Seiton laughed as his holographic image was disappearing. Once his image finally disappeared, they left his den leaving Ursula alone.

    "My lord," Ursula said. "I thought I was going to kill Alexander."

    Seiton reappeared, "No, I wanted to choose anyone who is powerful and strong enough to handle this boy. You are still the Thresher I created. Once Alexander is dead, I need you to help regain my form so I can get my hands on the Source and burn the galaxy. Understand?"

    "Yes my lord!" Ursula nodded.

    "Excellent!" Seiton smiled. "In case Midas goes offline, you have my permission to kill Alexander."

    "I shall do so," said Ursula and left the den.

**********

    Meanwhile, fourteen year old Alexander sat against a giant juniper tree thinking about what Feidlima said to him about Seiton and how he was the only one with half of the Spacers' DNA. He sat at the bottom of the tree as rain was pouring down hard. The rain soaked his Spacer hair and flew down into his cheeks as he was crying. His clothes soaked as he was a walking sponge.

    "Why me?" he asked himself. "Why do I have to be the only one?"

    No answer came out of him. A bromeliad was on the side of the tree trunk was overfilled with rainwater. The structure of the plant weakens and the weight of the rain water caused it to tumble over and spill onto his head. Then the bromeliad fell on his head giving him a crown. But Alexander threw it into the water as if it was a broken cell phone.

    He saw a lonely goldfish swimming helpless in a puddle of rain. The puddle was shallow and the fish couldn't swim very well To Alexander, the goldfish was him looking to find out what he was, finding the truth, and got lost with his life. He picked up the goldfish and placed it back into a quiet river and the fish swam away.

    He turned to go back to the maple tree and spotted David leaning against a rocky wall. He wore a huge poncho to keep himself dry from the rain unlike Alexander. David looked down into the muddy ground making a trench with his boots probably feeling depressed and confused like he was.

    "Hey," Alexander said to David as he returned to his seat at the tree.

    "Hey," David mumbled.

    "What brings you into the rain?" Alexander asked as he was getting more rain pouring down on him.

    "I am a guy of mystery. You can never understand."

    "I believe you only say that if you try to hit on a girl."

    "Oh sorry about that, but still you wouldn't understand me."

    "Neither would you understand me."

    "Why are you so soaked and glum?"

    Alexander took a deep breath and paused. Then he said sadly to David, "I am the last of my kind."

    David looked up at Alexander feeling surprised and asked, "What do you mean?"

    "Remember our first conversation we had about how you and I are very different than anyone else? Well I am a Hybrid between Human and an extinct extra-terrestrial race and I am the only one with half their DNA strand. This makes me crazy."

    "What was your other race called?"

    "Doesn't matter what I would tell you. The Spacers used to live across the galaxy thousands of years and got wiped out by a supercomputer demon. Now I am the only one with half of their DNA. Do you know how hard my life is since I found that out? It is freaking crazy!"

    David was silent as he stared at him. Alexander didn't say anything more and looked down at the ground, as rain dripped from his white hair in a curtain over his eyes. David looked down at the ground too, staring at the hole he had been digging with the toe of his boot. He used the side of his boot to push the mud back and smooth out the hole.

    "I am sorry," said David.

    "Thanks," Alexander said sadly.

    "Your life sounds more complicated than my life," said David.

    Alexander asked, "What do you mean?"

    "I am just trying to be a Caster," said David. "Basically a kid who can do magic. My Mom and Grandma were the only ones on this planet that know the secrets of becoming a Caster. I tried to get trained to become one, but my Dad believes the being a Caster is just evil and beyond my wildest dreams. My Mom and my Grandma were obsessed with Caster magic. My Dad refused her to go on having me become a Caster. He doesn't want any crazy fantasies to come true for me."

    "What does your mom think of that?" Alexander asked.

    David sighed, "Well apparently, my Mom is a sensitive woman and felt guilty about kicking my cold-hearted Dad out of the family the first time. Their relationship is very complicated."

    Alexander didn't think it made sense for David to live with a mother and father that fight all the time about David and the rest of the family to become Casters. If David's dad didn't like it, well he should deal with it or leave the family. Alexander's family before he was born was never like that according to Helen's diary. He just hoped that the mother and father of David stop fighting and move on. But that didn't sound like the case.

    "What can I do?" he asked David.

    David shrugged sadly and said, "I don't know. Maybe you could tell me more about your story as a hybrid."

    Alexander took a while to think this over. He made episodes of fear and anxiety as he dug through the history of his mother and the Spacers and Titans. Most of the information about himself and his family were depressing.

    He took a deep breath and said, "Well, my Human mother was named Helen. She was born in Ancient Greece with a huge family."

    "Ancient Greece?!" David was surprised. "That was thousands of years ago. Your mother must have been ancient."

    "Not exactly," Alexander continued. "Her family members then died from the plague of yellow fever one by one. She was the only one who survived that outbreak. Then she was captured and became a slave. Then a Spacer prince named Fabocusa stopped her from killing herself. Then he carried her to his ship and sent her on an island. She wanted to stay with Fabocusa because she was in love with him. But it was forbidden for a Spacer to interact with the activities the Humans or other races were doing."

    "So what happened then?"

    "Then disguised herself as a Spacer and went to go find him. When she found him, he knew she was disguised as a Spacer but kept that as a secret to the Spacers. He showed her many things in the galaxy and taught her everything about the Spacers. Later on, they fell in love, got married, and they became king and queen of this peaceful empire.

    "After they had their honeymoon, my mother became pregnant with me. At about 500 BC, supercomputer software named Seiton was uploaded into the Spacers' network. He gained so much power from the network as soon as he was uploaded. He gave a speech to the Spacers about how they resisted him and he wanted to rule the galaxy. After that he used all of his abilities to turn their technology against them and killed every last Spacer in the galaxy.

    "My father carried my mother to safety during the catastrophe. I was soon going to be born as this happened. My father created a portal for her to go through which would take her to a safer world. She went through, but my father chose to stay behind and died. She was transported to Chartorla to this time period and gave birth to me. I am the only one with half of the Spacers' DNA."

    David was speechless as he listened to Alexander's story. He found his story about being a human/Spacer hybrid was beyond crazy. He and Alexander both faced difficulties with their lives despite of their great abilities. Alexander tried to accept the fact that he was the only one. David tried to become a Caster despite of his father.

    "I really don't know how I can help you with that," said David.

    Alexander sighed and said, "Well I just hope my life later in the future becomes less complicated."

    Then they heard a woman shouting, "David! Where are you? Your father doesn't like that when you are in the rain for a long time!"

    "I am coming Mom!" David called back and mumbled. "I got to go back."

    David ran up the hill to his mother, and Alexander trudged the other way. When he was nearing the house Alpha leaped out of the bushes with excitement.

    "Alexander!" Alpha cheered. "I was just inside a hole just at the base of the Kapoo tree and found exactly thirty different species of insects, six species of rodents, ten species of reptiles, and a couple of frogs that were not discovered yet!"

    Alexander smiled a little and said, "That's great Alpha."

    "How come you are not wearing a raincoat?" Alpha asked with concern. "Is what Feidlima said to you about being the only one with half of the Spacers' DNA bothering you?"

    "Yeah," Alexander grumbled. "In your data records, is there information about Casters?"

    "There are no records in my file about Casters. What are Casters?"

    "Well I think this kid I know named David is a Caster in training. Casters are a group of Humans that mastered spells and magic and lived at different worlds according to a series of books called Spell Masters."

    "There is still no record of Casters in my database or in the Human network database. In the meantime, you need to wash up before lunch will be ready," Alpha informed him.

    "Way ahead of you," said Alexander. "I thought about that before you said that."

    They returned home as the sun came out after hours of rainfall. He put his wet clothes on the line, took a shower, and put on fresh, dry clothes. When Alexander came down to the kitchen, Alice was making some pulled pork sandwiches.

    "Hey Alex!" Alice greeted.

    "Hey Alice," Alexander greeted back.

    "How are you doing?"

    "Well I spent all morning in the rain thinking about myself being the only one with half of the Spacers' DNA."

    "I could see that when you walked in all soaking wet. I know it has been getting hard on you."

    "My life makes no sense now. I feel lonely."

    Alice placed her hand on his shoulder and said, "You should mainly focus on who is with you and will always be here for you. Like me and Alpha, your guardians."

    "I am a guardian?" Alpha asked. "I thought I was programmed to be a monitor. You made friends at school and they will be there for you. You are born with abilities that no one has and that make you very special. Having some people looking after you and supporting you, having good friends, being very smart, and have many different abilities is why are you very unique."

    "Thanks," Alexander said.

    Alexander liked hearing the reasons why he was special other than just being a Human/Spacer Hybrid. He had Alice as a foster parent. Hobbes was his pet and guardian as well. He made good friends. Vila was the first and best friend he made along with Tak and Alpha. And David, Alexander believed they would start out being good friends. Many loved Alexander. He felt so grateful.

    Later that night, Alexander wrote in his diary just before going to bed.

"Dear Diary,

    Being the only Spacer Hybrid really sucks because it is making me feel lonely. I wish that damn demon Seiton did not kill all of the Spacers including my father Fabocusa. I just sat in the pouring rain thinking about it and I didn't care how wet I got. I don't know what my future is going to be like. Hell I don't know if I will live that long. Then I found David along the rock wall and got a chance to know about him. He told me that he was going to become a Caster, which is a person that does magic. But his father hated the idea of him becoming one. His grandmother is the only one that would train him. I might find a way to help him and myself as well. We will see how that goes. Also Alice and Alpha suggested I focus on who is with me and be grateful to myself instead of focusing on my DNA. Alice believed that my DNA dose not make me who I am right now and it is who I am inside myself. You understand right? I shall be grateful of who is with me, being alive, and being a great person. I should not let my Hybrid history bother my life!"
This is the 21st chapter of Hybrid. This one shows the developing friendship between Alexander and David. Also this shows a Helbot Seiton chose to kill Alexander. Alexander must be prepared!The preview image was drawn by 0-xcheekymonkeyx-0 Check her gallery if you want to. 0-xcheekymonkeyx-0.deviantart.…
Prologue:fav.me/d5ktl3a
Chapter 1: Hybrid, Chapter 1: The Child
Chapter 2: Hybrid, Chapter 2: The Prophet
Chapter 3: Hybrid, Chapter 3: The Helbots
Chapter 4: Hybrid, Chapter 4: The Marine
Chapter 5: Hybrid, Chapter 5: The Escape
Chapter 6: Hybrid, Chapter 6: The World Leaders
Chapter 7: Hybrid, Chapter 7: A New Life
Chapter 8: Hybrid, Chapter 8: Aquamaids
Chapter 9: Hybrid, Chapter 9: What is he?
Chapter 10: Hybrid, Chapter 10: School
Chapter 11: Hybrid, Chapter 11: Half Human
Chapter 12: Hybrid, Chapter 12: The Museum
Chapter 13: Hybrid, Chapter 13: His A's and the Artifacts
Chapter 14: Hybrid, Chapter 14: Alpha
Chapter 15: Hybrid, Chapter 15: Helen's Diary
Chapter 16: Hybrid, Chapter 16: Helen's Close Encounter
Chapter 17: Hybrid, Chapter 17: A Fairy Tale
Chapter 18: Hybrid, Chapter 18: Hurtful Truth
Chapter 19: Hybrid, Chapter 19: Feidlima
Chapter 20: Reading
Chapter 21:fav.me/d52fnpr
Chapter 22:fav.me/d53a8rb
Chapter 23:fav.me/d53mt7a
Chapter 24:fav.me/d548yei
Chapter 25:fav.me/d554g1u
Chapter 26:fav.me/d5590rm
Chapter 27:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 28:fav.me/d55qymt
Chapter 29:fav.me/d55qzbl
© 2012 - 2024 CommnderShepard117
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CobraToon's avatar

“[On board] a Helbot vessel called Prosper” or “[Aboard] a Helbot vessel called Prosper”


“the surface of [Onyx, a moon orbiting] the Nile Gas Giant of the Lincoln System. She [ordered] the Helbots [to release] a swarm of probes [inside] the [abandoned] Human [colonies, believing] that the Humans may [have] left behind some data [that] would help them find out where Alexander could be” … but instead of Telling, consider Showing it: “She held up a claw and spoke to the Helbots under her command, “Send the probes! Find any data the Human Insects left behind!” And then a few lines down she shouts about how they haven't found Alex, so the reader knows why she did that


“Seeker analyzed the results” … I've seen that name a few times now. Does the same Seeker get around to all the Helbot battalions, or is Seeker a model of Helbot and there's a bunch of them?


“each planet with [abandoned] colonies”


“Well they [have done] a very good job leaving nothing behind”


“try to reactivate the colony's computer network” … Wait, isn't that what the probes did when they were scanning for data? If the computers were down, why didn't she do this first?


“Ten Helbot drop ships landed on the surface of Onyx. The surface of the moon was composed of mainly basalt because it had an early history of high volcanism. The Humans [had] colonized it to mine for diamonds” … the geography and history are interesting, but also Telling. Maybe something like: “Ten Helbot drop ships landed on the volcanic basalt surface of Onyx” and reveal later why the Humans were there by describing some mining structures


“twenty vipers hovered out with five Helbots in each viper” … and what does a Viper look like? I can see it's big enough to carry five Helbots, but does it look like a long bike? A flying car? A coat rack?


“Ursula was pleased” … unnecessary with that happy “Excellent!”


“They [descended] into the [hole with] their cloaks spread out like grim reapers carrying pistols and sniper rifles. They reached the door of the post and [blew] it open. When they got inside, the post was [pitch] black” … nice imagery, but watch your tense


“continued [on to] the control room” … be careful with the words “into” and “onto.” Sometimes they work the same as “in to” and “on to” but sometimes they don't, mostly when they involve movement. Consider this example: “Alex drove into / in to the base.” The first implies he crashed into a wall, the second implies he drove through an open door to get inside.


“[Despite having] no power in the command post”


“released a jolt into the power line. Then the power was back on” … Seeker has enough energy to power a supercomputer and the lights? Impressive


“Don't stop and look at it” … does she mean don't stop looking at it, or don't look at it? Maybe you want something like, “Don't stop, scan it!”


“he had a brain of an intelligent professor” … I don't know why or how this would be recorded in a medical file


“That is the boy! Ursula was pleased. Find out who he is living with!” … Is Ursula with them, or is she saying all this over radio?


“They flew back from the Ra System all the way to Hadean to send out Alexander's location to Seiton” … and does this take a while? I feel like a scene change would work better here, skipping a few lines and then describing Seiton's throne room as Ursula walks in


“Seiton's eyes [went wide and he] smiled gracefully” … also, I can't really see that, Seiton doesn't seem like the graceful sort. Maybe you meant grateful or gleeful?


“He hadn't smiled since he won his last battle” … and when was that? I don't really understand this, maybe you want something like, “He hadn't smiled since the day he destroyed the Spacers”


“Ursula had Seeker [upload] the information into the main network” or “Ursula [ordered Seeker forward and he] uploaded the information into the main network”


“Seiton [snarled through] his sharp teeth”


“Purlife is far away from Hadean, Seiton grumbled” … aww, poor baby Seiton, space is big


“Since Alexander is on that planet still searching for his true identity” … wait, how does Seiton know Alex is searching for his identity?


“I chose Midas!” … did you want Seiton speaking in the past (chose) tense or in the present (choose) tense?


“A [Helbot emerged] out of the [crowd, stepped] onto the platform and faced the audience. Midas appeared as an ordinary Helbot, but his forearms [were] machine guns with big claws. As his hands got close to each other, an [electrical discharge sparked between them].”


“The Helbots [watching] him thought of him as the perfect Helbot” … also this is unnecessary Telling


“As you can see, nothing can harm him," said Seiton. "Not one weapon can destroy him” … what? Midas proved he could destroy things really easily, but that's not the same as being indestructible


“Seiton laughed as his holographic image was [disappearing]” or “Seiton laughed as his holographic [image disappeared]”


“a giant mutate maple tree” … what's a mutate maple tree? Did the humans bring maple trees to Purlife from Earth and they mutated, or it a native Purlife tree that sort of looks like an Earth maple tree?


“what Kotono said to him about Seiton” … Kotono? Is that Feidlima's old name? … and there's another instance farther down


“The puddle was shallow [and] the fish [couldn't swim very] well”


“placed it back into a [quiet] river”


“making a trench with his [boots] probably feeling depressed and confused [like] he was”


“I believe you only say that if you try to hit on a girl” … lol!


“Does matter what you would do if I tell” … what?


“The Spacers [are] an extinct extra-terrestrial race” or “The Spacers were [an extra-terrestrial] race” … also, you don't need to add extra-terrestrial since that word doesn't mean much in a sci-fi future where everyone is extra-terrestrial


“made David [feel] sorry for him” … also, this whole paragraph is kind of unnecessary Telling. I like how the time it takes to read the paragraph allows me to really feel that minute of silence while David is thinking, but you could Show it too. “David was silent as he stared at Alexander. The other boy didn't say anything more and looked down at the ground, as rain dripped from his white hair in a curtain over his eyes. David looked down at the ground too, staring at the hole he had been digging with the toe of his boot. He used the side of his boot to push the mud back and smooth out the hole.”


“more complicated than my [life trying] to be a Caster”


“Alexander's raised his eye brows high up as if he heard an animal coming up behind him. He [had] heard from Alice that Casters were a group of Humans that knew and mastered spells and magic in the series Spell Masters. But they were supposed [to exist] in fantasy, not in reality. He didn't think it was possible” … some unnecessary Telling here, since the next thing Alex says is “How? They're not real”


“my Dad believed that Casters are nothing but bullshit” … this is odd. I like the friction between David's parents about him learning magic, but I can't tell if his dad thinks magic is fake or unreliable or lazy or evil or what. He must have seen some proof of magic by now, but him calling it bullshit makes me think he didn't believe it was real, which I don't understand. Maybe you could imply more that David's dad just doesn't want him becoming a Caster, because he believes learning magic is evil or lazy


“Why doesn't your mother just get rid of him?” … does Alex understand what he's saying here? It's pretty rude to tell someone, “Your mom should divorce your dad”


“Alexander's family before he was born was never like that according to Helen's diary” … for some reason I don't like Alex idealizing his parents as perfect people who never disagreed


“He made episodes of stress, fear, and anxiety” … confusing


“Then she was captured and sent into slavery. She was beaten and tortured when she was slave” … this is a good place for this. Every other time you've written about Helen before she met Fabo I was kind of bored, but having Alex reveal it to someone his own age in his own words feels perfect. You could imply it all those other times, and then this would be a big reveal for the readers like it is for David


“I would imagine what it may have been like for her and I am sorry that your mother had to go through that” … on the other hand, angsty David giving a perfect sympathetic response feels odd


“My mother discovered an arm band that was used to disguise her as a different race” … you changed this I believe … also I think you can skip the stuff we've seen


“He found his story about being a Human/Spacer hybrid was beyond crazy. He and Alexander both faced difficulties with their lives [even with their great abilities: Alexander trying to accept the fact that he was the only one, David trying to become a Caster despite] his father” … all true, but all unnecessary Telling


“I really don't know how I can help you with that” … nice parallel to Alex not being able to help David with his problems


“David ran up the hill to his [mother, and Alexander trudged the other way. When he was nearing the house Alpha] leaped out of the bushes with excitement”


“They returned [home as] the sun came out after hours of rainfall. He put his wet clothes on [the line], took a shower, and put on [fresh, dry] clothes. [When Alexander] came down to the [kitchen, Alice was making] some pulled pork [sandwiches.]”


“Well I [spent] all morning in the rain”


“when you [walked in] all soaking wet”


“who is with you and [will] always be here for you. Like [me and Alpha, your guardians.]”


“You should be grateful” … I'm glad that Alpha is saying this, it's certainly what I was thinking when Alex was complaining about everything, but when someone is depressed like Alex they probably wouldn't listen to it and might even get angry at someone for telling them to “be grateful”


“Alexander meek” … this is a stage direction, not a sentence


“Alice believed that my DNA [does] not make me who I am”


I love things taking a serious turn with Seiton learning Alex's location and sending his big bad General Midas to kill him, that's awesome. I'm betting Ursula will sabotage Midas in some way because she wants to be the one to kill Alex. And Alex feeling depressed was very well written too; the rain was a bit cliché, but you did foreshadow the rainy season properly in that previous chapter. Getting over his depression in one chapter feels a little too easy, but I can understand not wanting to make that a serious subplot of the story; depression sucks, and could really drag down the story if not handled well. And remember! Alex's journal at the end of each chapter is great because it allows Alex to Tell the reader things in a natural way. If Alex says something in his journal like, “being the only Spacer Hybrid really sucks because it is making me feel lonely” then you don't need to Tell the reader earlier that he is lonely, you should only Show it. It can even be a little vague, because you make it clear later


Any questions?