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Hybrid, Chapter 4: Love At Last

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Chapter 4:
Love At Last

    The early morning, Helen and Alpha woke up and headed to the ship. She was very excited to go see him again, only this time she looked like a Spacer. She felt her heart beating fast as they launched out of Earth’s orbit and flew passed Mars and dodged through the asteroid belt. Alpha did a small lecture on each planet they encountered in the outer solar system.

    As they approached Pluto, Alpha pushed a button and a strange rod emerged from the floor of the cockpit. A green holographic screen appeared above the rod showing the map of the Milky Way. He typed in a few codes to select their destination.

    “Ok Helen,” said Alpha. “There is a transporting portal orbiting around the moon that would take us to our destination.”

    “Where are we heading?” Helen asked.

    “We are heading to Pandora, the Spacers’ capital world,” he said. “You are going to love it! There are skyscrapers that are seven hundred feet tall and a huge variety of ships. This planet is known for their music, celebrations, great food, excellent fashion, and so much more!”

    “Does this mean that Fabocusa lives there?” she asked.

    “Of course, since he is a prince of the Royal Family,” he said. “His generation has been ruling over the Empire for thousands of years. Now, let’s open the portal and fasten your seat belts!”

    As they approached the portal, a bright white vortex appeared as he pressed a green swirl key. Their ship beings to be pulled in and started shaking. This made her so nervous that she closed her eyes refusing to look and see what was happening.  

    “Hang on!” he yelled as they entered the portal. She felt hundreds of pounds being thrown at her, making it impossible for her to move. Billions of stars went by in less than a second. A bright light grew as they reached the end of the portal. As soon as they flew out, they're on the other side of the galaxy.

    Millions of ships in various shapes and sizes orbiting around Pandora. Pandora resembled to that of Earth, but with a larger ice cap, more ocean, and more vegetation. The planet had five moons that looked were smaller versions of Pandora filled with colonies. As they flew towards the surface, Helen looked at her window as she glimpsed the buildings floating above the surface made of mysterious green glass and in various shapes and sizes. It was a giant glass collection. The Spacers’ personal vehicles flew at different heights around the buildings.

    Alpha parked their ship in a parking lot and then examined her to make sure she did resemble a Spacer.

    “How do I look?” Helen asked Alpha.

     “You look marvelous!” Alpha gave her the thumbs up.

     Alpha opened the door and Helen stepped out as if she was going to a party. Her heart throbbed violently as she walked past the Spacers. Each Spacer wore various sets of cloaks, gowns, and suits. A few had long light blue, dark blue or white hair. A few decorated their faces with blue patterns and gems; most love to wear bracelets and necklaces.

    Alpha pulled her to a small alley to get her to calm down and said, “Helen, your adrenalin levels are spiked to about 10 out of 10.”

    Helen looked at him not knowing what he was talking about. He shook himself and said, “What I mean is, that you are very excited and more excited than anyone. You need to relax more so you could blend in.”

    She then understood that her excitement would cause suspicion in the city. She calmed herself and they continued to venture into the city’s central square. At the center of the central square, Fabocusa walked out of a small vehicle and got on top of the large podium. Everyone raised their right hand, closed thumb, and cheered for their future king. Then he spoke,

    “My people! It is I, Prince Fabocusa. My generation has ruled over you for a thousand years. They gave you love, protection, and guidance. And in return, each of you looked after each other as well ever since the end of the war against the Titan Empire. What their leader did was to tip the balance and bring darkness into our eyes. But we ignited the light within us and fought that darkness. We worked together to rebuild our homes and searched for the primitives that became our children. We raised and cultivated them to civilization so that one day they will be like us. And we will keep our cosmos in the light. As your future king, I shall keep my family’s promise to protect not just you, but the entire galaxy!”

    Everyone cheered as he finished his speech believing he would be a great leader one day. They blew on their musical instruments as the celebration began. Alpha scanned tracked where Fabocusa was going. He guided Helen to a large garden just three blocks south of the podium. They swam through the crowd and Alpha hid behind a bush as they reached the garden's entrance.

    In the garden, she spotted Fabocusa sitting on a bench alone watching the birds fly over the water. There wasn't anyone around them so she walked up to him. As she approached him, he turned and his eyebrows as she appeared as a Spacer.

    “Helen?” he was shocked. “Is that you?”

    “Yes, it is me,” she said.

    “How did you manage to disguise yourself?” he asked not blinking his eyes. “You didn’t have to do that!”

    “But I wanted to be with your race,” said Helen. “Alpha suggested this idea and I loved it. No one would know I am human except you and Alpha.”

    He looked around to make sure no one or any artificial intelligence was spying on them. As he calmed down, he felt relieved that Alpha helped her reach to him. They looked at each other as they admire each other. A couple of swan-like creatures landed in a pond and swam along a trail. Then flowers started blooming as their sun was setting.

    “Helen, you sure you wanted this?” he asked.

    “Yes Fabocusa,” she nodded.

    Fabocusa offered his hand and Helen held as they walked into the garden. Helen looked at his palm and it was the same hand her knife went through to save her from death. Surprisingly, there wasn’t any scar and bruise.

    As they walked in the garden, he talked to her of his life and his royal family. As he talked, Helen never found what he said boring because to her it sounded calm and graceful. Whenever she asked him a question, he answered them perfectly as if he were the library of information. He even answered better than Alpha.

    In an opened field, he showed her his strengths and fighting skills he learned when he was a child. He demonstrated so fast that she couldn’t see him. So he demonstrated step by step as he was performing a dance. When he finished, she applauded as the only best performer. Whatever he showed her, she wanted more. She became a very fast learner. He showed her most of the star systems, regions of the galaxy, as well as other galaxies in the galactic cluster. Showing his own world helped expand her own universe.

    Five days later, Fabocusa invited Helen to his family’s ball in his palace. As she arrived, she wore a blue gown, pearls beaded in her hair, diamonds beaded all over her wide skirt; she looked very beautiful. In the golden palace, everyone was dancing around as they waited for the prince. When he arrived, everyone lined up a path for him. He looked at Helen and walked up the stairs. As he approached her, he bowed and took her hand for a dance.  

    After they danced with the group, they walked to the Royal Family garden. A couple of the dancers took a break sitting at the stone benches looking at the stars and moons. Helen and Fabocusa went further into the garden where no one else would see them. A small fountain surrounded by a bunch of tall lunar flowers. They did a slow dance around the fountain as the music was playing inside the palace.

    “Fabocusa,” said Helen.

    “Yes?” he asked.

    “Thank you so much,” she said. “I was just a lost girl who had no future. But when you showed up, everything changed. You ignited the light at the very end of the tunnel!”

    Fabocusa said. “You needed to be free and I found a way for you. The universe is so big that you could spend all of your life in happiness. You are so young and beautiful.”

    “I was going to tell you that,” she said. “If I were to do what I want, I want you to be with me.”

    Fabocusa gently rubbed her cheek as she rubbed his back. She placed her hands on the sides of his face and he wrapped his arms around her. Their faces drew closer until their lips met. Their kiss was tingly, soft, and dispersing so much energy between them.

    When they let go of that kiss, Fabocusa said, “I love you.”

    “I love you too,” said Helen.
Finally, I have made another chapter with Helen and Fabocusa finally kissed! Since Helen is disguised as a Spacer, everything will be fine! Which is what everyone would be thinking, right? Sorry it took so long again, but I have been very busy! Feel free to write any comments and suggestions to make the story better. :)
The preview image was drawn by 0-xcheekymonkeyx-0 Check her gallery if you want to. 0-xcheekymonkeyx-0.deviantart.…
Prologue:fav.me/d5ktl3a
Chapter 1:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 2:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 3:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 4:Reading
Chapter 5:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 6:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 7:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 8:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 9:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 10:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 11:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 12:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 13:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 14:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 15:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 16:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 17:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 18:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 19:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 20:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 21:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 22:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 23:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 24:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 25:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 26:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 27:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 28:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 29:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 30:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 31:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 32:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 33:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 34:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 35:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 36:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
Chapter 37:bclement117.deviantart.com/art…
© 2013 - 2024 CommnderShepard117
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CobraToon's avatar

The start of your first sentence feels weird to me, normally one would say “Early in the morning” or else “The next morning”


And in the next sentence you shouldn't use a pronoun without first using the person's name to make the referent clear, “She was very excited to go see Fabocuso again”


“orbit and flew [past] Mars and dodged”


When you say the rod is strange, how is it strange? Is it in a color that Helen has never seen before? If it's shaped strangely, how so?


Wait, Fabocusa lives on the Spacer capital world? For some reason I thought he lived at Olympus or in that space ship from the last chapter.


I don't think you want “generation” since that usually refers to anyone born to a family within a time frame and you've said that Spacers live for about two hundred years, so talking about one generation ruling for millions of years doesn't make sense.


Something about a “green swirl key” makes this spaceship feel kiddy to me. I feel like a space ship for adults would just have buttons with labels, while a kiddy ship would have big colorful buttons where the shape is similar to the purpose … you know what I mean?


They can see Pandora's “more vegetation” from space? And what does it mean that it has more ocean and more vegetation (which I assume means green land) … so does Pandora have a lot less dessert?


“as she walked [past] the Spacers.”


“most love to wear” is a present-tense global-description and doesn't fit with the past tense you've been using, although a past tense “loved” would feel odd too … maybe “most wore bracelets and necklaces” or “almost all wore bracelets and necklaces”


Adrenalin levels of 10 out of 10?! First of all that should be completely expected when arriving on an alien world and I'm surprised Alpha didn't give her some kind of adrenalin blocker, and second of all why isn't she dead?


Wow, it sure is convenient that Fabo just happened to be arriving for a speech there … maybe Alpha could mention the speech beforehand so this makes more sense? Being his robotic servant, of course Alpha would know his schedule for the day … and that could help later when Alpha sends Helen to that garden where the two meet. Instead of scanning Fabocusa to somehow calculate where he will go, Alpha could have put an event in his schedule like “Go to this garden” and that's why he went there


“My generation [has] ruled over us” and don't forget that generation thing I mentioned


Why is Fabo giving a “we won the war” speech this long after the war? Hasn't anything else of note happened in the last five thousand or so years?


Those three sentences in a row all starting with “Everyone” feels a little weird to me. You might want to shorten that to, “Everyone cheered and blew on their musical instruments as he finished the speech and the celebrations began.” And if you have to go omniscient narrator here, “They all believed that he would be a great”


I like the use of the swans landing and the flowers blooming to show that true love is blooming between them … but it's also the most Disney moment of the story so far. First Harlequin Romance and now Disney Princess; these two moods don't quite match.


I'm not sure what an “opened field” would be, but I have heard “open field” before


Wait, five days later!? Suddenly it's five days later?! Let's see, five days ago ended with them alone in a field looking out at the stars, and now she's invited to a big Disney-style ball … I can only assume the last five days were spent Together (if you know what I mean) and meeting his family to get this invite. Or why couldn't the ball have been on the same day? Maybe after they talk in the field for a while, he could say something like, “By the way, do you want to be my date to the ball?”


“everyone was all dancing around” feels more like speech than prose and definitely more Valley Girl than Oxford Dictionary


“Their faces [drew] closer until”


In this chapter you reached the culmination of Fabo and Helen's Disney-style love story and I of course have a problem. Here's what he says, “I saw nothing but pain and sorrow” … so in other words he saved her because he felt sorry for her. And there was never a moment where he seemed to change that initial feeling toward her, meaning that ever since he met her he has felt sorry for her and how terrible her life was and he wanted to “rescue” her from that all by giving her a beautiful place to live and a robotic servant and a space ship to explore the universe with. So why should I believe he loves her? How does he love someone that he basically pities? I almost wanted him to say so, right after she says she wants to be with him: “No Helen, please listen to me. I pity you. I want you to go explore the universe in my space ship with my robotic servant and be free so I can stop feeling sorry for how terrible your life has been. You are a constant reminder for me that the universe is not all as happy a place as the blissfully idyllic world my family rules … so no, I can't be with you. Being with you would make me miserable.” The only way I can see his “I love you” making sense is if a) he's lying to sleep with her or b) in the last five days he has formed a completely different set of feelings for her. For (b) to be true you would either need to strongly imply it - “Over these past five days I've seen you in a whole new light. Somewhere along the way I realized I didn't need to pity you anymore, yet I still had these feelings for you.” - or write a chapter where that happens.


As for her, she loves him because “You saved me and taught me everything!” I can understand her simple admiration for someone who seems smarter than a computer and able to do anything he wants, and those dreams she had are enough to make me believe she wants him on a more physical level, and with her being young I can understand her wanting to jump into a relationship … so actually I have no problem with her. She's young and foolish and maybe a little shallow, just as we all were once.